“Listen, and you will realize that we are made not from cells or from atoms. We are made from stories.”
― Mia Couto
Tell your friends, tell your lovers, tell everyone! The FREE EROTICA IS HERE!
The stories we tell ourselves matter, and the narrative of our lives can form around us without us even being aware of it. Becoming aware of how we speak to ourselves and grabbing that narrative by the balls changes everything, that’s why I am excited to announce that I have two new FREE STORIES for you lovely lovely people to read!
I never did find out why you were on the flight. But it was my experience with you that proved to me – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that I’d made the right decision.
Inspection Time Complete heterosexual short story
My heels click across the floor, and I chuckle. You’re quite a sight to behold. “It’s good to see that you’re finally embracing your new uniform. Oh, don’t pout. You were the one who signed the contract; you took the demotion.” I run my hands over your waist, feeling the soft fabric beneath them. “You agreed to work for me for twelve months.”
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal”
Seventy-Four years ago, a baby was born to proud parents in the south of the UK. He was a remarkable child, one full of love, mischief and above all, an insatiable appetite for learning new things. It didn’t matter what those things were; he just wanted to know about them.
His parents encouraged this curiosity by setting him little tasks – games of trivia and memorisation exercises with fun prizes at the end – as well as devising competitions between him and his siblings that greatly aided their capacity to learn.
As he progressed through life, he remembered these lessons, and he also remembered one key aspect of them: They’d all been fun. Fun had been the key to everything and had been what had encouraged him to work so hard throughout his life.
After graduating, he took that philosophy and ran with it. Working with the round table, he taught physics in Africa and brought his newborn child and wife with him. They went on all sorts of adventures – honestly, there’s too many to count, but some highlights included bed races, crocodile-infested rivers and snakes wandering through the classroom – and made lifelong friends along the way.
Upon his return to his home country, he chose to settle in a quiet northern town and went about creating a happy and fulfilling life for his growing family. He worked in various schools but settled in one eventually. There, he passed on the idea that learning was fun and that life was as interesting as you made it to his students, helping so many of them to go on to greatness and changing the course of their lives forever.
During his time at that high school, he proudly taught physics to both of his daughters and entertained all of their friends with tales of his adventures (as well as live readings of Winnie-the-Pooh and other children’s books that kept them enthralled for hours. Seriously, you’ve not seen anything until you’ve witnessed a living room full of teenagers all sitting cross-legged on the floor staring at a man voicing Piglet and Eeyore), and, eventually, he became the head of his department.
In his free time, he loved nothing more than watching sport – any sport – playing bridge and eventually took up golf. These hobbies carried him through into his retirement and gained him a great many new friends. Wherever he went, communities formed around him, and he was the life and soul of any social gathering.
Upon the birth of his grandchild, he proudly carried her picture with him and showed her all the sights, smells and sounds of the Yorkshire Dales. He was her Gangy, and she was his world.
Even when he was diagnosed with brain cancer, he didn’t let that stop him. He went about his life, making new friends, showing his granddaughter the sights and introducing her to the world he loved so much.
The man who had changed so many lives had left his mark on one more and set her on the same journey that my sister and I had taken so many years before.
That man was my father, and he was, and forever will be, my hero.
He passed away on the 20th of July 2022 at 4 pm with his family around him and a legacy that will live on until the stars go out. His smile was warm, his heart was ever-loving, and his curiosity and lifelong love of learning will never end.
I would like to ask you all to raise a glass of whatever you love to drink (alcoholic or not) in the name of Mick, son, brother, friend, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin and teacher, whose legacy shall live on throughout the world.
I was five years old when he told me that we were all made of stars. He explained how the universe was formed and that every little bit of us is as magical as the twinkling lights in the sky. I’m thirty-seven now and look up at them with equal amazement and awe.
We are all made of stars, but some will always shine brighter than others, and, Daddy, wherever you are now, yours is a light that will last forever. You burn on in others and will light the path for all those seeking to walk it.
I love you so much. Sleep well. You earned your rest.
You’re perfect, and I see you. No, don’t give me excuses, don’t tell me why I’m wrong. I’m looking at you right now and what I see is a lovely human being who, faults and all, is the only version of them in existence. You are you, and you are perfect, so tell me what you want and let me give it to you.
– Julia Rivers
My job isn’t to write porn, nor is it to titillate the masses. No, my job is to see you and to listen to what you desire. My job is to hear what you’re telling me and understand what lies underneath. What words are whispered into the silence, between the pauses and the denials, between the gaps and the hesitations. My job is to see you and to show you that you are valid. Your kinks aren’t shameful, nor are they repulsive.
You’re a beautiful, valid human being precisely because you know what you want and what you like.
I sent out a blind questionnaire and asked people for the silliest prompts for an erotic story that they could think of. I told them that it would be made public, so to go ahead and go wild. You can imagine the kinds of results I got, but one stood out.
It was a simple idea, but it was one that would require work, one that would require a careful hand, and that would stretch my imagination to the limit.
They wanted me to write an erotic story about plates. How could I say no?
We all have ‘those times’. You finally get an idea for a story and it grips you enough for you to put your fingers to the keyboard. You start typing! It’s awesome! It’s monumental! It’s…run out of steam.
Two weeks later you find yourself staring at the doc and you have no idea how to continue. Your initial burst of optimism’s slowly fading and you have that gnawing pit in your stomach that’s telling you ‘This is gonna be another failure. You’re no good. See, I told you you shouldn’t try to write’.
Well, here’s how to silence that stomach and progress your story!
1) Skip to the Interesting Bit
If you aren’t having fun writing it, the chances are, the reader isn’t having fun reading it either.
When you find that your brain’s thinking of anything but what you’re trying to write, it’s a bitof a hint that what you’re trying to write is either a) unnecessary or b) hella dull. Either way, the chances are you don’t need it. And if it turns out that you do, then feel free to insert it later. There’s no rule saying you can’t, and this way, you’ll reignite your interest while making progress too!
2) Just Start Writing
The number of times I’ve found myself staring at the screen, listening to the dial tone of nothingness sounding in my mind is beyond reason. I hate it. I detest it. I bloody well, dag nam, darn diddly doodle- Oh, wait, what if I…
Writing something and allowing your mind to spill onto the page helps to unlock the blockage of needing your story to be ‘right’ before you write. Think of it as poking a little hole in that damn of words in your mind. A trickle will emerge, then a shower, and before you know it, the flood is hitting, and you’re in full flow!
3) It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect
I repeat: IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. PERFECTION IS YOUR ENEMY. HIT IT WITH A STICK!
This is the first draft. There’s a reason it’s called that, and it’s because you’ll edit it later. I like to call mine my “Fucked Up Firsts” to remind myself that it’s allowed to be scuffed, bad, stupid and cringe. It’s the draft I use to get my ideas onto the page, and my basic story’s done. I’ll sometimes edit as I go if I feel like I need a little breather/refresher, but I keep in mind that it’s the first draft, and things will change. That fact alone has saved so many stories.
Seriously, it really has. Half the time just turning up works, and when it doesn’t I slap on the mood music and type-rant about how much I hate being stuck!
4) Small Progress is Still Progress
Even if it’s a few hundred words on your lunch break, write them down. You can do it. It doesn’t matter if it’s terrible or if it’s genius, as Terry Pratchett so eloquently put it:
I just let it run, because you can always rewrite, check things, find the right way to say things [later].
– Terry Pratchett
Don’t be scared to go slow when you have to. It’s fine to write 20 words if that’s all you can do that day, and it’s fine to write 10,000 if it takes over your mind. There’s no correct formula but moving forward is the key to getting out of your rut.
5) When in Doubt, Walk it Out
Sometimes, our mind hyper-fixates on one idea, and we just can’t see past it. No matter what we do, we simply can’t solve the problem, whatever way we turn it in our head. Something my mother told me whenever I was stuck with my homework (yes, I was that kid) was to walk away from it.
That’s when I walk away. Literally. I put my shoes on, take a deep breath and brave the outside world. I don’t take any music with me, no audiobooks, nothing that could ‘distract’ my mind, and I just walk. Well, saunter mainly, but it’s the same thing.
As I make my way through the bendy back-streets of England, I allow myself to daydream. I rarely have set topics to think about; I just go, and observe where my curiosity takes me. 9/10 times, I’ll have my solution by the time I’m back home, and if I don’t, that’s fine. There’s always the washing up (seriously, I need a dishwasher).
When you move your body, your mind goes with it, and when you allow yourself to be bored, it’s amazing what’ll emerge from the fog.
Want to know this AWESOME, SEXY, SALACIUOS writer’s rates?
“There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness.”
― Shannon L. Alder
The number one question I get asked (bar “Are you OK with talking about ‘X, Y or Z sexual thing?'”) is “How do I become a writer?”
When I answer, “Start writing”, people scoff, but seriously, that’s what you need to do.
If you want to become an artist, you need to draw. If you want to become an engineer, you need to start taking things apart and learning how they work, and if you want to become a writer, you need to write.
The silent ‘good’ in the question is always what people fail to state openly. “How do I become a good writer?” “How do I become a successful writer?” “How do I become an instant hit?“
I’m sorry to say; the answer remains the same: Write. Write whenever you can, and don’t stop.
As Mary Karr put it, “I was 40 years old before I became an overnight success, and I’d been publishing for 20 years.”
You will never become an expert unless you practice and you won’t succeed unless you’re willing to put in the work. Just as we don’t expect a child to understand how to walk instantly, we can’t expect ourselves to be able to write a best-selling novel immediately. Yet, because we are adults, we place this pressure upon ourselves.
The Myth of Perfection
If you were anything like me, growing up, you set yourself impossible standards. You were expected to be the ‘best’ at everything, and you only reinforced that idea by pushing yourself to be that. You never stopped to imagine what it was doing to your psyche or how it would impact you later on in life because failure was not an option.
I was the class’ swat’. I always had an answer to everything, and I feared failure above everything else. Never mind that I was on antidepressants when I was 14; I was winning. I was perfect. People were proud of me.
I genuinely believed that the only reason people liked me was that I was clever, good, and never let them down. I never did anything that I didn’t believe I wouldn’t succeed at because the idea that this impossible façade might crack was terrifying.
You can only imagine what happened when I left the safety of academia.
The rude awakening that awaited me in the ‘real world’ was a hard pill to swallow, but it was the best I’ve ever taken.
I Learned How to Fuck Up
It took a long time, but I started to relax once I’d wrapped my head around the idea that fucking up wasn’t the worst thing you could do. With repeated mistakes (and boy, were there some doozies) came a kind of freedom I’d never dreamed was possible. Understanding that not being ‘perfect’ was a skill in and of itself, suddenly unlocked a well of creativity that I’d never known existed before.
I hadn’t realised that expecting myself to be ‘perfect’ at everything the first time I tried it had been holding me back. I hadn’t known that I’d placed invisible barriers around me and backed myself into a box that was so limited that it was stopping me from achieving my dreams.
I’d spent so long focussing on an imagined image of myself that I’d ignored my reality.
My perfectionism was preventing me from ever being good at anything. It was stopping me from trying.
I was scared of joining new groups because ‘what if they think I’m no good?’ I wasn’t putting my work out into the world for fear of criticism, and I never shared my art because people might not like it.
In reality, the very critique I feared was what I needed.
So, You Want to Be a Writer? Well, Take The Leap
What’s the one thing all writers have in common? Yeah, that’s right, they write! The number of people that tell me they don’t have time to write, yet want to be a writer, is utterly astonishing. They ask me how I do it and when I tell them that I sit down and write 300 words a day, every day, come hell or high water, they look at me as if I’m an alien. When I tell them that I started with 100 words a day, I become an alien with a duck on its head.
It’s as if the concept of steady progress is an anathema to them. I should either be able to write a novel in a day or not at all, but that isn’t how life works.
Three hundred words a day is 109,500 words in a year. That’s a novel. An entire novel. You can achieve your goal in a year; all it takes is twenty minutes of writing a day. Half an hour if you go slow, and in that time, you’ll discover that your writing improves significantly.
If you can find ten minutes to scroll through your social media feeds, you can find ten minutes to write 100 words. They don’t even have to be good words – after all, that’s what second drafts are for – the very fact that you’re doing it is what will change you.
Once you start doing the work, you’ll find that you’ve become the writer you always dreamed of.
Small progress is still progress, and the satisfaction of seeing your project gradually forming before your eyes is worth every second. You’re already ahead of those too scared to start, so why not keep going? It’s your story to tell, so go on, let yourself fuck up and keep going anyway. You might even discover that it’s fun!
Want to know my rates? Of course you do, I’m AWESOME and I’ll write you an AWESOME story too!
It has to happen. I know it does. I know that no matter what I do, what I say or how I wish it wouldn’t, it’s going to happen. It hurts when I think about it, so I try not to. Tears well in my eyes when I remember my childhood and how happy I was, so I don’t. My stomach clenches, and my heart aches when I think about leaving him, so I selfishly hope that I never have to visit, but I do, every time, because he’s my father and he’s dying.
My Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2021 and given six months to live. He just made it to his 74th birthday on May the 14th, 2022 and lived long enough to see my cousin married in the same manor house that my sister was wed nearly ten years ago, but he doesn’t have long now. He almost died last weekend. He was days away from it, but my sister (who has a doctorate in nursing) recognised the signs of an untreated UTI and got him the antibiotics that saved his life. Still, it’s postponing the inevitable.
He can barely walk; he’s extremely confused and is (thankfully) sleeping most of the time. He has his lucid moments, and the smile of wonder when he sees us lets me know that he’s still in there. Throughout it all, he’s kept his sense of humour and jokes with us in wonderfully inappropriate ways. If he’s scared, he’s never let it show.
But no matter what, he’s going to go soon.
I genuinely don’t know if he is scared. He’s never been one to shy away from death. He’s been a lifelong atheist and has dedicated his living years to teaching science to anyone that would listen (and quite a few who wouldn’t as well). He has travelled the world and taught with the red cross. He’s climbed Kilimanjaro and seen the icebergs of Canada. He’s done so much and changed the lives of so many because he understood that your life is for living. It’s not for wallowing in pity; it’s not for complaining and waiting for someone else to fix your problems; it’s for you to live. Only you can change your direction because death will come for us all, and we can not predict when that will be.
His greatest fear was to lose his mind, but now that it’s happening, he’s accepting it. He can’t change it, so he’s doing what he can, which is facing it. He’s looking at it head-on and joking, laughing until the end because he’s lived his life.
He’s my father, and he’s my hero.
I’m going to miss him when he goes, but I’m going to learn from his example too. He’s never been physically strong, but he’s always been brave. He’s never been afraid to break a norm or challenge an idea. He’s never been afraid to take a risk and explore the unknown, living his life to the fullest and doing it the way he wants.
I can’t save him from his fate, but I can stand by him, and I can honour his legacy. I can embrace the lessons he’s set out for me and follow the path that he’s shown. I can be as brave as he is and live my life the way I choose, with pride and integrity.
What we do is our choice and what we say is our way of affecting the world.
I lived most of my life trying to make others proud. It wasn’t until I hit my 30’s that I realised my mistake and started to walk my own path.
That was when I truly understood what my Dad had silently been showing me for years. Until you’re proud of yourself, no one else will ever validate you enough to sate that feeling of inadequacy. Until you can stand tall and assert who you are to the world, the world will ignore you and pass on by.
Until you believe that you’re someone, you will always be invisible.
Life’s there to be lived, so go out and embrace it. Death comes for us all in the end, so why not go out sideways and smiling?
Want to know my prices? Of course you do, I’m AWESOME and I write fucking FANTASTIC erotica!
Oh no, you didn’t! Did you just- No, no… Please tell me you didn’t:
Number 1: Kill The Pet
“Fluffykins was innocent, you monster!“
Now, obviously, there’s a time and a place where this works perfectly, and I’m not saying never ever do it, but… Come on, people! Don’t just introduce a warm fluffy/scaly/cute pet just to make me cry when it’s taken away a few chapters later.
A) That’s a cheap trick, and B) I will hate you for it.
If you’re going to kill a pet, you better have a darn good reason for it, and it better be rock solid because it’s not just me who hates this. Simply google killing pets in stories, and you’ll be INUNDATED with examples of people complaining about this. If you have a good reason – i.e. it’s necessary for the plot – then go ahead, but really think about it. There’s a great episode of Writing Excuses that talks about this, and I highly recommend you give it a listen (it’s only 15 minutes long!)
Number 2: Make Me Skip Paragraphs in Self Defence
“Please, Lord, Make it Stop!”
Your character’s beautiful/horrible/has long hair/big boobs/enchanting eyes. WE GET IT. Please, please, please stop telling us about them every time they appear in a scene! We don’t need to be reminded about her DD’s or his 20-inch cock of doom once we’ve been told about it unless it’s pivotal to the scene because we’re not dumb.
We can, in fact, remember a character description. And on the flip side, we don’t need to be told precisely what they’re feeling every single moment. We can figure it out from their dialogue, what they choose to observe and how they react to the people around them/their surroundings.
I’m not saying you’re a bad writer. I’m not. And I have read MANY stories that were literally PAINFUL because I adored the premise behind them, but before you put your work out into the world, please read through it. Pass it through a spell checker and send it to some TRUTHFUL friends.
Hell, one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was to read my work aloud. It did wonders for me, especially for my dialogue. If you’re having trouble parsing what you’ve written, then the chances are that it needs a bit more work. And if you realise that you’ve used the same turn of phrase five times in the same paragraph, you’ve just saved yourself a LOT of painful feedback!
Number 3: Split Up The Couple For Drama
“I know we’ve loved and trusted each other up until now, but I’ve chosen this arbitrary point to doubt you and now our relationship’s in peril.”
OH MY GOD, STOP! Don’t do it! Just NO! I get that a plot needs tension, and I know that people argue…a lot…but if your couple has always gotten through things by talking it out/trusting each other until now, then DO NOT break that pattern! This is the number ONE reason I’ll walk away from your story, especially if it’s a romance.
If a conflict can simply be solved by them talking to each other, then you better have a darn good reason why they can’t. Why can’t they just pick up a phone if they’re a continent apart? If they live in the same house, why aren’t they opening their mouths and asking the question that’s on their mind? If they’ve been tricked into betraying each other, why aren’t they telling the other person that X lied to them? Unless they’re a narcissist, it’s incredibly rare that their ego would stop them from admitting that someone fooled them to the love of their life.
If your plot hinges on a misunderstanding, then set the groundwork first. Have your characters be mistrustful. Have them make mistakes and doubt other characters as well. Don’t simply flip a switch and have them act entirely out of character for the sake of the plot because your readers will walk away. They won’t finish your story, and they will feel betrayed.
Character consistency is the NUMBER ONE priority for an author, so my advice is practice, practice, practice. Hand your work to people and listen to their feedback. If betrayal is what you’re going for, then go all in, but make sure that it’s in character and that they can’t solve the ‘problem’ with a simple conversation.
Throughout my ten plus years of writing, the one thing that is always present in every story – no matter how dark or fluffy – is that it’s ALL about connection. The heart of erotica lies in the characters, and without a believable connection, the whole thing falls apart.
Emotion, understanding and misunderstanding are a part of life, and they should be a part of your story, too (when appropriate). Your characters, whether human or imaginary creatures, need to connect. The connection can be positive, negative or one based entirely on a one-sided assumption, but it has to be present. Otherwise, your story won’t be something your readers can feel.
“Distressed partners use different words but they are always asking the same basic questions, ‘Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Will you come when I need you, when I call?’ Love is the best survival mechanism there is, and to feel suddenly emotionally cut off from a partner, disconnected, is terrifying.”
THIS is the core of it all: Emotion. Even if it’s a one-sided tale of the time you were pinned down by uncaring alien robots and were made to cum over and over again in order to provide data for their experiments, we need to feel everything. We need to feel the characters, feel their distress, their joy, their fear and their anticipation. We need to be able to follow along with them as they progress throughout the story and understand their journey. We need to know why that was such a turn on for you, and we need to immerse ourselves in your situation.
And if your story is that of a couple, please, dear Lord, make them real!
Being yourself is very sexy, you know?
There’s nothing less sexy than an annoying character. And what makes a character annoying? Turning them into a stereotype and nothing else. For the love of everything holy, ground them in reality. I’m begging you. The number of times I’ve read the blonde bombshell with big boobs and a mouth made for dick…and nothing more, is unbelievable.
I don’t care if you just give us one line about what she’s like; please, make her more than tits and ass! And that goes for the guys too! The ‘mysterious, moody stranger with the body of a God and a secret heart of gold that only you can see’ is fine IF – and I say this from experience – if he has a personality as well!
It doesn’t take much; a line about her eyes following a Poodle out of the shop and you wondering whether she hates them or loves them, or the fact that you notice a collection of detective novels on his shelf. Make your characters more than their physical attributes, and they’ll come alive for both you and your readers. Anything is better than nothing, and once you do this, they’ll become human.
“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits. (January 11)”
“What do I need to know today?” It’s a deceptively simple question, but it’s one that can help focus your mind AND get what’s needed done.
“What do I need to know” can include:
What’s on the shopping list?
How do I get up and face the day when I feel like crap?
What’s missing from that character arc?
Where did I put my left shoe?
Do they make vibrators that can be controlled from across the world? (Spoiler alert, yes, they do!)
Where do I want my business to go, and what can I do to make it grow?
The list’s honestly endless, but the very act of making it helps focus your mind.
If you’re anything like me, then your morning looks like this:
You get up, wonder why you’re awake, stumble out of bed, and make a beeline for the coffee. You then stand there, blinking in the harsh light of reality and are hit with the overwhelming feeling that there’s TOO MUCH TO DO! And that you’d rather be zoning out in front of YouTube, playing a video game or writing one of your 29 personal stories that you swore you’d get around to one day.
Then, you plod over to your computer and… What? What do you choose? Do you open up the game? Do you ‘allow’ yourself 20 minutes of YouTube while secretly knowing that it’ll turn into two hours and that half your morning will disappear? Or do you ask yourself that question?
What do I need to know today?
If you focus your mind on knowledge, then action will inevitably follow. Without action, you can not obtain knowledge, and once the knowledge has been acquired, a sense of accomplishment follows.
You can always acquire knowledge, whether it be simple or complex; and if you seek it daily, you will always grow.
You know what’s great? Sex. You know what’s even better? Yes, that’s right, sex with a plot!
It’s why I love what I do, and it’s why I adore working with people to bring their fantasies to life. I get to know characters and world’s that I’d never have imagined myself, and I get to talk to interesting people as well as learn something new each day.
Sex and sexuality are at the core of everything we do, be it working out at the gym, learning to become a chef or designing a great work of art, it’s all, in the end, an effort to be attractive and find a mate. Yes, that it’s not all about that, but, deep down, it’s what drives us forward, and I want to embrace that.
I don’t want you to feel ashamed of your desires. I want to celebrate them with you.
I want to hear about your characters and what lies at the core of your story, and I want you to end up with a tale that not only turns you on, but that fulfils your need for a connection as well.
I want to bring your characters to life. I want to make them exist within a world that not only feels real, but that you can fully immerse yourself in.
It doesn’t matter how wacky the premise, or how ‘weird’ the kink – seriously, it’s not weird, but that’s a discussion for another day – I’m here for you.
From biker harem to fancy feet and Femdom, I’ve written it all. Each world was different, each character had their own backstory and each customer left with a smile on their face (and a happy situation in their pants).
I want to celebrate who you are and what makes you unique, because your fantasies deserve it. You deserve it and your desires matter.