Meditations 6: I Embraced the Day and This is Why You Should Too

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

― Abraham Lincoln

It’s been nearly a week since my Fiverr account was unceremoniously deleted, and I lost £2000 worth of work, and today, my glorious readers, I woke up happy for the first time in months.

On the face of it, happiness should be something off in my far, far distant future. My father has a fatal brain tumour, my partner’s grandfather has terminal bone cancer, and I’ve lost the primary source of my income and all the exposure that comes with it. On top of that, I’m on medications that make it almost impossible for me to eat more than a handful of food at a time.

On paper, it’s not a good time for me.

Yet still, this morning, I woke up with a smile on my face and a fuzzy cat nuzzling beside me. I listened to the birds singing out of my window and felt the sun shining on my face.

I was at peace.

There, at that moment, I had let go of fear and embraced the now. I was happy, and no one could take that from me.

I wasn’t afraid because there was nothing to fear. The future hadn’t happened yet, and living in an imaginary scenario served me no purpose. The present was what mattered. The present was where I was living, and the present was what I was in charge of.

I have no control over what will happen to my family, friends, loved ones or strangers, but I do have control over myself.

Now that I am no longer entrusting the future of my business to an outside entity, I’m more confident than ever in its success. I know that I am the best at what I do, and I have hundreds of testimonials to prove it. I’m on the journey of a lifetime, and I intend to live it my way, here with you, right now, and you can too.

Take a deep breath, look around you and find one thing, just one, that makes you marvel. Whether it be the fact that a tiny little ant can scale a wall a thousand times its size or that you can hold a device that has more information in it than has ever been accessible to one human throughout the entire course of our history, just stop and take a moment to truly appreciate it.

We all have a finite amount of time. We all will end, but in that, there is glory. For if everything is infinite, then noting truly matters.

You exist in the now. You’re here reading this, and that is a beautiful thing.

YOU are in charge of your fate. YOU hold the key to your happiness, and YOU have the ability to unlock it.

Now, I’m going to go and write porn; what’re you going to do with your day?

Julia X

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Meditations 5: Just Move

Stop doing what you’re able to do and figure out what you were made to do – then do lots of that. 

— Bob Goff

Sounds great, doesn’t it? We get to spend our lives in constant bliss doing what we love each and every day! We get to dance in the flowerbeds of our minds and celebrate the fact that we’re doing what we were made to do! What could be better? What could possibly be wrong with this picture if we’re doing what we were meant to do?

Well, for starters, it’s complete fiction. Not the finding out what you were meant to do part, no, that’s fine. It’s the assumption – that isn’t in that quote – that people attach to the wrong idea.

Just because you’re doing what you love doesn’t mean you’ll be blissfully happy. It doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get ill or get snowed under with so many things to do that you want to SCREAM!

Ideals are all fine and dandy as long as you acknowledge the difference between fantasy and reality. You will never always be happy, you will never have perfect health all of the time, and you will resent your work in one way or another at some point. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t good work, that you aren’t going to produce something that you’re proud of and that’s worthy of being put forth into the world.

We can not change what has happened, only learn from it. We can not know what the future holds, but we can deal with the now.

Right now, I’m sick as all hell. I’ve had very little sleep, but I know that what I do with my day is under my control. All I have to do is press one key at a time, take one little step forward in each moment, and I will have lived up to my potential. I know what I am capable of, and I know what I can and can not do today. It is my choice to move forward and advance my life, no one else’s, and therefore, the buck starts and ends with me.

I choose to move forward, I choose who I am, and I choose how I am going to live, one day at a time, every day, for the rest of my life.

That, my dear friends, is true freedom.

You always have the power to choose. No one can take that from you, so decide to advance your goals a little bit every day and see for yourself what you’re capable of when you try.

Julia X

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Meditations 4: The Power of…Routines?

“The Japanese do not need grandiose motivational frameworks to keep going, but rely more on the little rituals in their daily routines.”

― Ken Mogi, Awakening Your Ikigai: How the Japanese Wake Up to Joy and Purpose Every Day

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up, open your eyes and just go, ‘NOPE’? That was me today. I rolled over and went back to sleep, blessedly ignoring the world outside of my dreams. It was clear that my body needed the rest – I’ve had a very stressful week – but when I finally got up, I was COMPLETELY out of whack.

I wandered around the room, staring at the walls and blinking in the light from the window, wondering what the hell I was doing. It wasn’t until I remembered that this was, technically, my morning that I got myself together.

I pottered around, doing exactly what I would typically do at eight a.m. at *cough* nearly midday, and something inside me settled. The panic that had been building over the fact that I’d ‘LOST SO MANY HOURS!’ dissipated, and I relaxed into the familiarity of my morning routine. I’m a writer; I make my own hours. If I want to work from 4 p.m. until midnight, I can! If I’m feeling like getting up super early, I can join the 5 a.m. writers club and honk that early-morning horn to my heart’s content. The time doesn’t matter; it’s what you do with it that counts.

Routine (or, if you like, ritual) helps set your brain into the correct mindset for productivity, and that’s its power. We don’t know what’s going to happen to us throughout the day, but we do know what we can do with our now.

Julia X

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Meditations 3: My Spartans

“He who sweats more in training bleeds less in war.”

– Spartan Creed

The modern-day equivalent is less dramatic but equally true: Practice makes perfect.

However, we must also remember to not ‘Let perfect become the enemy of good’. We NEED to fuck up. We need to sweat. We need to fall, again and again, and again, bloodying our knees and bruising our ego’s so that we learn that fucking up is NOT the end.

We wouldn’t expect a child to be perfect the first time they rode a bike, so why do we expect ourselves to produce a masterpiece the first time we pick up a pen?

It seems ludicrous to me, but day after day, I listen to people professing that they ‘Wish they could write’ or ‘Wish they could draw’. Each time I tell them they can, and each time they scoff. “Just because you can’t do something perfectly doesn’t mean that you can’t do it,” I tell them, and they roll their eyes and call me a pedant. What they meant was that they wished they were experts in the crafts and that they could get there without putting any effort in. When I tell them how I became good at writing or how I became good at sketching, they fling their arms up and declare that they don’t have time for that kind of thing.

Really? You don’t have time to sit down and write 300 words a day? Or do a five-minute sketch of something you see in a notebook?

In the words of Kid Kapichi and Bob Vylan in their song New England, “Is it that you can’t change, or that you won’t change?’

Nothing worth doing is ever easy, but if you sit down and write 300 words a day, every day for the next year, you’ll have a novel. If you sketch for five minutes every day, you’ll be an ‘artist’ in no time.

When you let fear of failure stop you from pursuing your dreams, you’ve already lost. But when you look it in the eye and take a step forward anyway, that is when you become the person you admire. That is when you become courageous, and that is when you succeed.

Julia X

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Meditations 2: Give me Coffee or Give me Death!

“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”

― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

Last night, I was so ready to write something profound. Something inspirational! Something epic. But you know what? I got nada. I woke up, looked in the mirror at the bird’s nest that is my hair, and thought, “Give me coffee or give me death.”

Melodramatic, I know. But I am in the mornings…and in the mid-days…and in the evenings…I’m just melodramatic, OK? I like to live my life as if I have a narrator; it keeps things fun.

But anyway, this got me thinking:

What do I actually need to be happy?

Not want, not crave, not “Oh, life would be kinda suckier if I didn’t have this”. No, what do I need to be happy?

The answer surprised me.

Bar the basics of food, water, shelter and clothes (so I’m not arrested) not much. But one thing that I would always seek out is a way to tell stories.

Stories have become so integral to the person I am today that I genuinely get twitchy if I go a few days without writing at least something. It doesn’t have to be an epic space battle for the survival of the planet. It could be as simple as a description of a vase that’s going to become a key plot point later. It could be the feeling of the sun rising and the light hitting your chest…and you cursing as you realise that you forgot to close the curtains, so now the neighbours can see your Johnson…again.

Stories can be as poetic, as vulgar, or as hauntingly beautiful as you like, and for me, that’s their appeal. I can be myself inside a story. I can explore my ‘dark side’ – trust me, it’s way darker than you think – I can allow myself to be that fluffy, pink-loving princess that I never was as a child – Tomboy Team Represent! – and I can be either male or female, happy or sad, cunning or cowardly; the list goes on. But my point remains, through stories, I get to explore aspects of life that would otherwise be shut off for me by the confines of my particular reality.

And. I. Love. It!

I adore imagining myself into another timeline, another universe, one where I’m free to play with the rules, fiddle with the laws and do whatever I want! I mean, who wouldn’t?

In this story, you can get the girl. In that story you can bang the MILF behind the bike sheds, and in another you can seduce the pro-footballer. You can be as kinky or vanilla as you like, and you can concentrate on the details that matter the most to you.

Into pet play? Cool! Let’s explore that! Want an entire scene described that solely focuses on spanking? Hell yeah! Let’s do it!

Stories bring me alive in a way that nothing else has, and it’s because of this that I’m making them my life’s work. If I had to do it all again, I would still choose this path, and that, my friends, is a wonderful feeling.

So, ask yourself this: What would you still strive to do if you lost it all? If your slate was wiped clean, what would you focus on today? And when you have your answer, open a new door and start putting one step in front of the other to make it a reality.

Dreams become realities when we do small things every day that move us towards them.

Well, I’ll be damned; I did manage to write something profound, after all. And I’m only 3/4 of the way through my cup!

Happy Tuesday, everyone. I hope your day is a beautiful one!

Julia X

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Meditations: 1

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”

― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Loss is something that we all must deal with during our lives and it is never pleasant. It is, however, unavoidable, which begs the question: What do we do about it?

What do we do with the time we’re given and how do we live a quote-on-quote ‘good life’?

The stoics would say that we should live a Virtuous one. The Sophists would say that we should live a Pleasurable one and the Nihilists would say, “What the hell? Nothing really matters, so do whatever the heck you want!”

All ideals have value and all are just that – ideals. We are all mortal, we are all fragile and we are ALL, every one of us, fallible.

We all fall short of these ideals every day. We chose to eat chocolate for breakfast sometimes, we chose to walk past beggars on the streets and we chose to put the bins out late. Everything we do in life is a choice – in fact, I have that very line tattooed on my arm as a reminder – and I know for a fact that this is true. But it doesn’t always feel like it is.

And that’s another issue. We have these pesky things called ’emotions’. We let them fester and brew within us, and they come out in the most unexpected ways. So on top of life, we now have to deal with our reactions to it as well!

It all seems like so much!

How the HELL are we supposed to handle everything? How’re we supposed to process having a job, a family, a life, while constantly being bombarded by thoughts and feelings, constantly reacting to everything around us and still, somehow, remain sane?

It’s an ongoing question, and one that has many many different answers, but one that I’m going to be writing about – and occasionally talking about too – in this blog.

My life has changed dramatically recently, and it will again soon, but there’s one thing that I know for sure: It will continue happening.

To bastardise Marcus Aurelius: It doesn’t matter if your life lasts seventy years, or three days, it will all end the same, so why worry?

We must make the most of the time we have.

And for me, that means spreading happiness. I want to bring joy to people’s lives and I intend to do just that in a way that I’m sure the Sophists would be proud of.

With Erotica!

This will be my daily meditation, my daily diary, my daily thought, whatever you want to call it. Some days it will be short, others it will be long, but it will always be there. Every day, for the rest of my life. This will be my take on existence.

So if you wish to join me on this journey, then subscribe and accompany me on my quest to live a full, complete and, most of all, good life.

Sex is not a sin, nor is pleasure; they’re part of the human condition just as much as movement and thought are. What happens in your head is entirely yours and you are entitled to think and imagine whatever you like. Embrace it. Explore it. And together we can make the world a better place, one orgasm at a time!

Julia

If you’re interested in getting your own personalised erotic story, then check out my site and place your order! Life’s short, so embrace what you want today!

Dear Diary: She’s not even my girlfriend!

And if you want to hear far more naughty samples of my erotic creations, click here!

Day 10

Dear Diary,

Chrissy hasn’t stopped messaging me all day. Apparently her flat-mates are asking about me and she isn’t happy. You’d think they’d never seen a naked woman before, the way she’s going on.

I’ve got half a mind to go over there and barge into their rooms in my birthday suit, just so she’ll shut up. For pity’s sake, it’s just skin; they’ve all got it. I do not see what the big deal is. I looked good and I was happy. Chrissy was there too! If she really had a problem with it, then she’d’ve stopped me, surely? Why’s she making such a fuss about it? I don’t care if people know what colour my pubes are or that I’ve got a tattoo of a bunny on my thigh. She doesn’t have an issue with people seeing my elbows, so why would she have a problem with them seeing my tits? I don’t belong to her. I’m not her property! She hasn’t even asked me to be her girlfriend!

Diary, why’re people so stupid about this stuff? It’s my body. If I’m not upset about it, why’s she? None of this makes any sense. 

***

OMG She just messaged me again! Argh! I’ve told her a thousand times that I don’t care about being naked! It’s what I said that I’m bothered about, but she just isn’t getting it! She seems to think that I’ve somehow insulted her by not being upset about the fact that her flatmate jerked off to me last night! 

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE ABOUT THAT? WHY? It’s his dick, not mine! He’s free to jerk off to whatever the fuck he wants! But nooo, now I’m the sicko and she’s trying to guilt-trip me into letting her stay with me tonight!
Fuck off! No! If she’s not going to apologise for calling me a damned exhibitionist slut, then she’s not staying in my bed!

Dear Diary: I think my Lecturer’s Seen my Video…

And if you want to hear far more naughty samples of my erotic creations, click here!

Day 9

Dear Diary,

I think my lecturer has seen my ‘video’. She was looking at me funny in class and I can’t help but wonder. I couldn’t sit still. I kept wondering what she was thinking about when she was giving me those sideways glances. 

Was she wondering if I was ‘that girl’? Was she imagining me naked? Did she think that I was an idiot? That I’m some sort of sexual freak? That I’ve got a drugs problem?

It didn’t stop. The whole time I was sat there, oscillating between mortification and intrigue. I have no idea what the lecture was about, but I have a perfect recollection of her face. The way her glasses rested on the end of her nose as her sparkling green eyes met mine. How red her lips were when she wet them with her tongue. The exact arch of her eyebrows…

God, she’s beautiful.

***

I wonder what she thought of me? Did she like how curved my hips were, or how perfectly my tits bounced as I ran? Did she like seeing the cold water cascade off my back? Was she thinking about kissing me?

Oh, Diary, why can’t you give me the answers? I can’t sleep! All I can think about is her!

Dear Diary: I’m Never Drinking Again…

And if you want to hear far more naughty samples of my erotic creations, click here!

Day 8

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven’t written in a few days. I just haven’t felt up to it.

I’m never drinking again, and now there’s a video of me stripping naked in the town square and running through the water fountains declaring that I’m the Goddess of Love circling the campus.

When I find out who took it, I’m gonna kill them.

I’d never dare to make such a bold claim. I’m more the Goddess of grumbling about the lack of coffee shops that are open at two in the morning. I’m no Aphrodite. Admittedly, I do look pretty banging in the twinkling lights, but still, why would I ever say that? Someone had to have put me up to it. They’re trying to get Nemesis to come after me, but the jokes on them! I was drunk, so it doesn’t count! (It doesn’t, right? Please tell me I haven’t pissed off the most powerful force in the known universe, please… My head hurts enough as it is.)

God, I really do feel like death. Maybe this is Aphrodite’s punishment? Do you think a fry up at eight at night would be a good idea? I’ve only been up for four hours, so technically it’s breakfast, right?

Fuckit, I don’t care. I need food. If I survive the night, I’ll let you know how it went tomorrow.

Dear Diary: The Sun, It Burns!

And if you want to hear far more naughty samples of my erotic creations, click here!

Day 7

Dear Diary,

Why does the sun exist? Who thought that it’d be a good idea to be diurnal? Seriously? My housemates think that I’m being a drama queen, but they don’t know the things I’ve seen! They don’t know, man! Nocturnal living’s the way forward! It’s so much quieter at night and you don’t have any of that annoying ‘sun’ crap blinding you and waking you up before 16:00. Who needs sunlight, anyway? We have street lights now! Technology! That’s what us university students contributed to the world: Science!

***

OK, I just googled the guy that invented street lights, and he was definitely a student of science. The guy was a toff from germany called Frederick Albert Winsor, who came to the UK to study, then went to France, then came back to the UK (fuck knows why, it sucks here) and set up the first working street light! 

See! Students are useful.

We aren’t all just alcohol obsessed, sex-crazed bunnies; some of us figure out how to light the world!

I mean, most of us don’t, but some of us do! And I could be one of them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Chrissy’s invited me to a party to take my mind off my work.

Shut up, everyone needs a break every now and then.